Do u remember?
How bad you've treated me before?
Pushing me away like I'm never exist.
But I don't know why I still have guts, still never give up wanting to meet u.

Do you still remember?
That I was crying for I just want to meet you merely 5 minutes.
But I don't know why I've been so softheartedly, all the sadness and frustration went away by just looking at your face, right before my eyes.

They said I'm a fool.
They said am too loyal for things that I shouldn't.
They said I should move on.

God knows

Bukan niat tambah derita,
Tapi hati sering berduka.

Kala rindu bertaut rapat,
Hujan air mata cukup lebat.

Bukan aku tak mahu pergi,
Tapi terlalu perit aku lalui.

Andai kasih tidak mati,
Cukup aku sendiri meniti hari.

Yang termampu.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t. :)

Penat.
Aku betul-betul penat.
Dengan perasaan, dengan hati yang masih tak pernah lupa, dengan emosi yang berubah hampir setiap masa.

Dia,
Bukan yang aku jatuh hati dulu.
Lain benar dia. Jauh dari apa yang buatkan aku tetap masih cinta sampai sekarang.
Apa masih punya pandangan yang sama? Atau nafsu semata? Atau hanya kasihan? Dan pasti, tiada cinta lagi.

Jika betul dia masih perlukan, dia pasti akan kembali.
Jika betul dia masih punya rasa, dia tak akan betah buat aku begini.
Tapi aku siapa?
Aku siapa pada dia?
Untuk dapat segala usaha itu dari dia?

Kata orang, selagi aku menggenggam, selagi itu sakitnya aku rasa.
Maka, perlu aku lepas dia sesungguhnya.
Apa aku punya daya itu?
Sungguh aku tak pasti.
Kerana hati terlalu rapuh. Terlalu sakit.

Air matalah yang jadi peneman kerana itu sahaja yang mampu aku buat bila aku bersendirian.
Selebihnya? Orang tak akan pernah tahu segala usaha yang aku cuba buat.
Sekarang ini, masa ini, sepatutnya sudah lama aku lepas.

Tapi sampai bila?

p/s: lemas.

Deep down inside.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t. :)

After all, these nine months was incredibly went amazing for me. What a life.... 

A lot of feelings. too many dramas, gallons of tears, and the list goes on and on. We have trying so hard...to stop, long before. But we just couldn't ignore...the love we have for each other, Too bad, we both drowned in our own feelings regardless we've been deciding the best for us before - to move on.

My best friends think am crazy - for still seeing each other, texting one another and most importantly...confessed to each other. It never stops, the feelings. It's so hard to move on - the life. We only be together for months, but seems like I've fallen deeper than I thought...and up to now am still having butterflies in my stomach whenever I saw him. A beautiful feelings indeed. Who knew I ended up falling for him after years of sorrow?

But now, the time has really come. Soon that I ever thought. As at today, I only have 7 days left to be exact to be with him, technically on the phone - texting. I've made up my mind to really stop any communications whether through social networking, texting, whatever it may be on the day he finishes his training. It is not because of my best friends asked me to - I knew they really care for me hence the "ceramah"  given. I have actually thought of this for quite some times and he also knew about it and preparing on it too, probably. Worst to worst, it might not happen as what I've planned but somehow, I knew that we really need a break. To give him some space that he should have and stepping back from his life to give him a chance to live his new life independently without me bothering him anymore.

I know myself better than anyone else. my heart wouldn't let him go until certain period of time where I can confidently say that, it will be on the day that he got engaged or married. I am not the kind of person who easily forget by having someone else besides me. Definitely it wasn't me - referring to my so-called 'history', I believe that I only have one heart and to love other person at the same time, I am not that cruel to let that happen. Never at any ways that I would! But who knew what will happen later. As for now, I am quite certain to only living my single life (again) at the fullest and finishes up my studies as soon as possible. Probably after I completed my dream of obtaining master's degree then only I would think about my other "dreams". Well, I don't even know if I still have that hope of other dreams though. But let's just put on KIV first. Haha. At least for now. The heart's still bleeding hard.

I might not be so lucky in love. But I hope I have given the best for them that I love. All the sweats and tears, everything that I could do to save them, the love. I have no regret in whatever I have done. Somehow, it's a lesson learnt that I would bring through my journey of life - to never falls on the same mistakes again! Most of the time it's pretty easy to understand of why all these happened, but I just couldn't put aside the possibility of me falling on the ground from time to time - missing all the memories. How I wish I am that strong, to never cries over little things, and keep going where life brings me to.  

To sums up my upside down's life these two years:-

Fall in love - I never thought that I would ever again, but I just did!

Being in a relationship - I thought this would be the last, but not! 

Being single all the way - Back to what it supposed to be, this definitely my lifetime wish come true for now! Haha!

Being in the sorrow - Gone through it for few months in these 9 months and is going through it in 7 days time. Phewhhh. Mental, please be ready!

I thought being left without any valid reason and kept asking what have gone wrong are already sucks.
I was wrong....

This time it hurts too, more than I suffer before. 

Because we chose to stop for the sake of love we have - for our family, religion and the list goes on.
We mutually have the same feelings but that's not only it. A lot of things we need to consider and we don't have the guts to hurt others just because the love we have for each other. Love is about sacrifices and readiness to face everything together. I guess we just lack of that - the crucial part in a relationship.

I will never stop praying....until I certainly have the best reason to stop.

p/s: never say goodbye.

Andai kau tahu .

Dalam titik noktah.
Yang ku perlu cuma kekuatan.
Untuk sebuah permulaan.
Semula.
Andai aku tak mampu.
Hiduplah aku di dalam bayangan.
Entah sampai bila.
Aku pun tak tahu.

Jika aku mampu tunggu selama hampir satu dekad.
Mungkin kekuatan yang sama aku akan dapat untuk menangkis segala.

Tak mudah untuk mencinta.
Lebih senang untuk terluka.
Biar aku rawat luka yang semakin dalam saban waktu.
Tak kira lama mana, pastinya tertutup sudah rasa.

Lama sudah mati. Hati.
Biar aku pergi. Lagi.
Tidak aku kisah apa lagi
Janji aku tahu.
Apa erti semua ini.
Nanti.

The last cry, I hope.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t. :)

I was having a really unstable emotions these days. Blaming PMS for sure and yes, the other side of me whom refused to move on. Had a war with myself. Crying. Repeating the same old story. I was lost in the battle with myself.

I could not breathe.
I could not move.
The pain is real.
I am suffocating.
If only they knew.

Will be starting my new phase of life real soon.
Priority had changed.
I hope I could forget.
I hope I could move on.
No more tears I hope.
Stronger, I hope.

Too many hopes.
But I am not really sure if I can cope.
Never stop praying.
Never stop to look on the brighter side.
Though it's too bitter to swallow.

I hope I have given my best.
I hope I am not a 'chicken' who's given up too early.
I hope I am satisfied enough with what I have fought.
Some things we better let alone.
But why I could not move even a bit.

What am I still waiting at?
Does it worth?
Does it?

P/s: suatu pernah.

-P.D.120216-

Stronger, I hope.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t. :)

A year of roller-coaster has passed, successfully(?). :)

Alhamdulillah, the ending I was hoping all these while happened anyway.
The biggest fear, the toughest decision.
Who knew the ending made me smile all over.
Until that point of time, people misunderstood my facebook status, thought it was something beautiful that happened, but not.

It was actually a heartbroken phase I should face. Almost a month since it happened now.
I am still learning on how to overcome this.
Being so emotional all over. Sometimes I feel better, but most of the time I fell onto the ground, helplessly.

We're just into each other, lesser than a year. But I felt like having him for years. So hard to let him go. Difficult to move on. I don't know what makes me so. Am overly-attached to him. It's really hard to explain. But, the love I have for him is just somewhat beyond I ever thought I would.

And so this year, will be tougher one for me.
Will start a new life, new hope, new life's objective.
This kind of thing is not my priority anymore. It's at the bottom of my bucket list - to get married.
To be in a relationship for now seems impossible.
If only people knew how long will it takes for me to get over everything.
People might think that am stupid. For not moving on.
But frankly, how can you love someone when your heart is still loving someone else so dearly.
No, not so soon.
Never too soon.
I just need space!

Soon enough, I will need to let him go. Lesser than 4 months to be frank.
Anything I could do to avoid him.
No communication, no nothing. I just hope am strong enough to fight with myself for not even saying 'hi' to him. A lot to do. More damage will be done to myself.
I wish I don't have to do all that.
But I know, that's the only way, the only sacrifice I could do for him.
His happiness is his dad, and my happiness (after my family) is him.
Love is not necessarily to be together.
If this the only way I could do for him to get his happiness, then I will.

He might hardly forgets me, but I know how to makes him to hate me for the rest of his life.
I am truly sorry, sayang.

I wish he could forget me one day,
And please do know what I am doing and might do later is nothing else but the proof of my love to him.
I just need more strength to make it happen real soon.
Hopefully this is the best to end everything.

p/s: the world is against us.

Rapuh.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t...

Terkadang hati ini paling remuk dihenyak teruk.
Menangis lagi.
Kerana tak siapa bisa fahami akan rapuhnya ia.

Terkadang hati ini paling teguh pasrahnya realiti.
Menangis lagi.
Kerana tak siapa bisa rungkai apa yang tegakkan dia.

Terkadang hati ini paling sunyi disapa angin.
Menangis lagi.
Kerana tak siapa bisa lagukan melodinya.

Hilang aku, hilang arah.
Sunyinya aku semakin parah.
Mencari erti segala rahsia.
Yang kekal pendam.
Dalam jiwa.

2305hrs
081216

Sang kerdil.

Three months.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t. :)

Three months.

Who knew after exactly 3 months, I get to see him again. Honestly, I don't know how to feel. It's a mixed feeling after all.

Who knew that I'll burst in tears when I first saw him stepped into my car. I was so nervous. Don't really know how to react when I get to see him. So many things came in mind. Will we be the same again? After everything that happened in these three months? I am not sure. At all.

I am speechless by looking at him, so different since the last time we met. Thinner and darker - oh my brownies! For few minutes, I am shaking, driving while he was there, sitting next to me. Like he always did. How I miss those!

It was a good catch up. Or not? I've cried few times when I shared about what had happened in these few months in his absence. Crying again when we've been so silent and he asked, "why?". Only if he knew how hard it is to keep everything alone, missing him too much that no one could help me on that. I was just shook my head. And smile. Don't have the guts to tell him. That I was never okay in these three months!

It was a precious moments I had yesterday and I hope for him too. The hope is very tiny. And I am the only one who has that, not him. Hoping, surviving and praying hard. People will never understand how have this burdened me. They only know how to judge and keep saying things they should have just keep themselves. They don’t know how hurt I am listening to every of those words. The reality, totally bites!

I’ve reminded myself many times, that he is only a test from HIM. A reminder for me to get closer and closer to HIM. There’s no such thing as mistakes, it was all destined by HIM that I’m falling in love with him. But it is me that has the power on how to deal with it – with the will of HIM of course. A lesson learnt - before I get something better that HE has written for me in Lauh Mahfudz.

I admit. I have failed successfully in HIS test and I know there’s so much I have to do now.

I admit. Many times I fell unto Sejadah - too fragile, too weak in handling the emotions. And in HIM I found peace.

To forget and move on.

I wish I have the power to erase everything that we had as a lover and remain those sweet memories of us as a bestfriend. But it’s life. You gotta face the consequences of things you, yourself started. And took it as a motivation to seek for the truth.

p/s: forgive and forget.

Better in time.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t. :)

Day by day. Am getting used to my new phase of life. Everything around me almost back in order. But not me.

To search for the strength. To keep me going.
I lose everytime. Keep falling, keep failing.

It's never that easy. To have him in my sleep and things seems so real, kills me everytime. Feels like only yesterday I met him in person. But it's been months.

I don't want him to know that I'm this weak. But couldn't help myself to.

He could never be that perfect in others eyes. But for me, he's the best I had so far. I knew, I have to admit that he's the one who left me. And I knew, the reason would be me.

Myself.
That I have to look back and see where did I done wrong.
And not to repeat it with others.

Keep praying that I'll be better.
In time.

P/s: never ending.

Redha.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t. :)

Continuation from my previous post.
I know it's kinda late. Very late but yeah, still feel the needs to update. For myself.

And so, he's gone finally. Walked away from my life...as my lover.
There's a lot, a lot of reason of why we ended it up after all that we've been through.
Let it be our secret. :)
But it's not because of our parents, of course.
We are sane and matured enough to think which is best for us. Especially for now.

12092016, on Hari Raya Qurban itself, I sacrifice my luckless dream.
It has been a month.
And I am quite redha with what had happened.
My life's now being on track again.
Feel quite peaceful and trust me, less tears accompanying my daysss since then. Alhamdulillah.

At first I was drove by my ego and pushing him away from me.
But I forgot, we've started off as a friend, a very close friend.
He knows me well, we have no secret, we just being quite open to ourselves.
Why should we split it up and be like a stranger again?
I have lost my good friend before for the same reason.
And why should I let go this one? I couldn't  afford to lose both my lover and bestfriend.
We are still a good friend though.
And he's still texting me like we used before - the way we did before we fell to each other.
Awkward for the first few messages, but then, we're getting used of it and things gets better I guess. Hihi. :)

********************************************************

But...
I failed to control my emotions today.
I feel so low.
Totally low.

The messages.
Some things better left unsaid I guess.
It totally broke me down into tears.

Never did once been asked whether am okay.
Not even serious to make me feels like sharing?
The feelings? What have I been through lately?
I couldn't focus to work.
I just wanna run away from everything.
But I controlled myself.
For the sake of their happiness.
Hiding my sorrow. All by myself.
Going to the park, jogged, keep myself busy with work.
Anything could do.
To keep me breathing. To keep me to feel alive.
And when I started to find the way, I was stabbed and it bleeds again. :(

Allahuakbar.
HE knows the best.
HE wouldn't burden us more than we could bear.
I believe, there is more to this.
Every cloud has a silver lining.
HE has planned better for me.
InshaaAllah.
Sabr & Shukr.

p/s: one fine day.

An untold story but end up so soon.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t. :)

“I am resigning soon”

“P..D..R..M..”

I almost faint. I’m blank. I really don’t have any idea on what to do.

It has been 8 years since I was involved in so-called love relationship.

And it come to this point where I fell in love with this guy. The one I knew my mum wouldn’t agree. An interracial issues – religion, cultures. etc.

I was hopeless, knowing my mum wouldn’t agree. But my siblings (the girls), my support system, they knew about him. I can’t stop talking about him to them. I never once spoke about him to mum, but she knew he’s ‘trying’ me. She’s disagree all the way, before we had anything! And so, my siblings speak up, on behalf on me. Couldn’t thanked them enough for this.

24^th January 2016.

I remember clearly that day…I went to my first half marathon. Accompanied by him. Which supposed to be attended by my other colleague (he couldn’t make it, so he sell the bib and running shirt to him). I was later posted a photo of me and him on my Facebook. Of course mum saw it! Since it was my first HM, I was so tired and went to sleep once I reached home. Later that when I woke up. There’s few whatsapp voice messages. Mum and dad seems agreed. A yes with conditions:-

1)     Let him to get to know Islam because of Islam itself and not because of me.

2)     Solat Istikharah – both mum and I.

3)     He will need to stay at my place when we’re married. Later.

Feels like everything went so smooth after that, the feelings I have never had to him, suddenly came. A blessing from parents – that’s what I need the most.

Honestly, I don’t know how I suddenly fancy him, wanting him, needing him – I fell finally to his personality. He’s the perfect man to fill up the emptiness, I hope!

Never once I feel so comfortable to call a man with ‘sayang’ verbally. But to him things are so easy. It’s more to “what’s not to love about him?”.

This guy.

A gentlemen who’s bravely touch my heart though I’ve tried to friendzoned him many times. Pushed him away thousand times. He insisted, never give up. I saw the sincerity in his eyes. So pure.

I am afraid, totally afraid to start again. The fear of losing. The fear of being left. And too many things to be listed. But he, convince me to not. Though we had so many arguments – that what makes us stronger. We handled it, fixed it to be better. And how not to love him?

So, what does P..D..R..M.. has to do with our so called ‘love’?

Mum doesn’t allow it seems. Giving him no option but a word of two: police or me?

But I knew, he would have chose police as it’s his dad’s hope and his ambition…

And today…it’s official. He’s signed off the offer letter. 
Met him yesterday before he left to his hometown to sign the offer letter.
We both burst in tears, I never saw him so low like yesterday. 
He doesn't care anymore but to drown in his own tears.
How do you feel like to see someone you love cry because of you...? 
It hurts, really hurts.

By accepting it, literally, he’s rejecting me.

A bitter pill to swallow…

I’ve almost lost my sanity. But it’s the fact I must face.

Another unlucky love story I’ve owned. Better luck next time?

A great one year of bitter-sweet love story. (We don't have any official date either, it's just happen!)

I couldn’t thanked him enough for showering me with so much love and care.

I’m gonna miss you sayang. I will really, really do.

Am back to my previous track and life.

Building up the strength, standing up alone, walking solo and to believe in love again?

Ya Allah, ya Tuhanku.

Andai ini adalah jawapan bagi setiap doa dan istikharahku,

Engkau berikanlah aku kekuatan dan kesabaran untuk beriman dengan Qada’ dan Qadar-Mu.

Tunjukkanlah aku jalan yang Engkau telah tetapkan pada aku. Dan redhakanlah hati aku untuk setiap yang Engkau beri.

Sesungguhnya Engkaulah yang Maha Mengetahui.

Dan Engkau jugalah yang Maha Mengasihani.

Aamiin.

P/s: Have faith.

The battlefield.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t. :)

I have always had a war with my own self.
Created everything that led us to have a fight almost every week. I know, he must have been given up with us many times.
I felt insecure.

In this battlefield of so-called 'love'.
I found myself has always lose to almost everything.
I felt that I have given myself to almost anything.
Dreaming so big that I, most of the time, trapped in it!

Once the door open, it can't be control anymore.
I have gave so much that I don't know how to turn back anymore.
Future that is so uncertain but always been in my prayers, is a good one.
A happy ending for a very long awaited moment.

After so many, many years,
Will I finally found the one?
Whom will be mine someday?
Whom I can rely on to?
Whom I can love tenderly and miss so dearly?

I totally have no idea.
Heart breaks everytime.
And seems like I don't deserve any.
Probably should've not involve myself in this at the first place?

She's so concern that I won't be married if I lose to this one.
After years of 'hiding' to the real world.
Well, frankly, I am too.
No promises that I could gain the trust.
Especially to build up the confidence in love once again.
I doubt it!

The best so far is to just go on with what we have now.
Cherish every moments and always prepare for the worst.


p/s: Am I going to win in this battlefield?

Cepatlah.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t. :)

Kadang aku sengaja, biar ku dilihat bodoh.
Kadang aku sengaja, biar ku dianggap jahat.
Tapi...
Andai kau tahu, kebodohan aku itu adalah untuk buat kau bosan.
Andai kau tahu, kejahatan aku itu adalah untuk buat kau pergi.
Sebab hati aku dah mula mencair dari bekunya dek kecewa.
Perasaan itu datang kembali.
Walau sudah jatuh berkali, bila aku sudah tetap hati.
Aku sudah tak sanggup untuk lepaskan lagi.
Jadi,
Aku cuma mampu buat kau membenci agar kau sendiri pergi.
Dan bukan aku yang putuskan kau dari sisi.

Cepatlah kau membenci,
Aku sudah tak mampu lagi menyakiti.
Cepatlah kau bosan,
Aku sudah tak punya cara lagi memarahi.
Cepatlah kau pergi,
Agar kau tak menangis lagi.

Jangan salah sangka.
Sayangnya sudah bercambah, hatinya sudah berbunga mekar.
Cuma belum mampu hadap kehilangan lagi bila seluruh hati telah aku bagi.
Kerana dia masih belum tahu apa yang dia mahu.
Dan aku cuba bertahan selagi mampu.
Selagi dia tidak putus harap pada aku.


P/s: kecewa.

That evil 'J'

Assalamualaikum w.b.t. :)

My biggest fear.
Is to deal with myself.
Of being jealousy.

I am one with that weakness.
Of being jealous at the wrong time, with wrong people.
Feeling insecure. Heh.
I thought I've overcome this after 8 years.
But no, am still living with it. Just realize it anyway.

How to deal with this? *cries*
Not that I have no trust but I just couldn't control myself to be one.

Am still stuck with this.
Need to deal this with my own self.
Fighting with all negative thoughts.
Of all thing I could win, this would be the ultimate lose.
Loser~

Clearing up mind. I hope I could win this time.
Because I'll be living with this. For a long time. With God's will.
Prepare for the worst.
Oh I need to be strong! Need to be strong! Need to be strong!







But deep down inside......
I'm still lose anyway.

P/s: I is sad.

Promise this could be the last.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t. :)

Counting, counting days.

Until the day I last can look into your eyes.

Until the day that I finally have to let you go, completely.

Until the day you step forward to achieve your dream.

Fly, fly away.

The flower that grows in the dessert.

The loves that unintendedly surrounds the stone heart.

Goodbye my almost lover,

Goodbye my luckless dream.

This wouldn't be that hard.

I can do this, I have to!

The weakest me is the strongest I'd be.

Hasbunallah wani'mal wakeel.

P/s: the last to remember.

Pengorbanan.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t. :)

Tatkala hati dah mula menerima dan bercambah rasa sayang.

Kadang perlu akur, akan perlunya pengorbanan.

Kalau perlu dihentikan, aku redha.

Andai perlu dinafikan, aku terima.

Cinta dan sayang itu tidak semestinya dimiliki, ia perlu pengorbanan. Kadang kita perlu lepaskan dia pergi. Walau remuk redam hati, mungkin ini jalan terbaik untuk aku dan dia.

P/s: biarkanlah. 

Terkadang di atas, terkadang di bawah.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t. :)

Kadang kau rasa kau dah di atas. Tapi sebenarnya kau masih tersangkut di bawah. Ya, aku masih di bawah.

Alhamdulillah. Syukur aku rasa. Walau aku sungguh tak sangka. Selama ini aku hanya berdiam, pendam rasa. Tapi yang perhatikan lebih bersuara tanpa aku pinta. A 'green light with conditions' that I never expected. Sungguh. Memang aku tak punya waima secalit harapan untuk itu. Memang tiada. Sentiasa aku berputus harap, hanya mampu berdoa agar ada pintu harapan dibuka suatu hari nanti untuk aku.

I've never that lucky in it, maybe.

Aku sendiri tidak faham. Mungkin ini hanya suatu ujian dariNya untuk aku lebih mendekatiNya. Mungkin. Mungkin ini adalah satu anugerahNya untuk aku. AllahuAkhbar. Aku hanya minta hati yang kuat untuk segala kemungkinan. Mungkin belum masa aku lagi. Mungkin. Aku hanya mahu kekuatan. Itu sahaja. Dan aku tahu Dia tak akan menguji hambaNya  lebih dari kemampuan hambaNya itu. Dengan izinMu ya Allah, aku terima segala ujianMu terhadap aku.

Mixed feelings.

Antara senyum dan tawa atau tangis dan sendu. Di mana aku letak hati sekarang? Aku pun tidak tahu. Lebih kepada berduka. Pujuk hati, pujuklah diri. Macam biasa, masih berseorangan. 

Kadang kau rasa kau di bawah. Tapi sebenarnya kau sedikit demi sedikit sudah mahu sampai puncak. Ya, aku masih meniti. Setakat aku mampu. 

P/s: dan aku jua masih belum punya jawapan.

Dare or not?

Assalamualaikum w.b.t. 

One fine day, you have to end it.

To end it.

Though you still have not find the clue of what should you do.

You just have to end it.

To end it.

Though it might hurt you enough.

You just have to end it.

To end it.

Though you have not been prepared for the worst of it.

You just have to end it.

To end it.

Because I still can't see the future of us.

Because I still haven't fully healed by yesterday's history.

Because mum's against it, I would never dare to oppose her.

It's only reason out of thousand reasons.

I choose what I want to do. 

No specific reason of why does this need to be happen.

It just has come to an end.

That's it.

Relieved or regret?

P/s: choices.

Remuk redam.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Hati macam ditusuk berkali-kali. 

Entah taktahu nak bercakap dengan siapa. Mengadu pada Dia. Dan cuma mampu luah di sini. 

Hati tidak kuat. Kepala terasa berat. Kaki bagai terjerat.

Pernah tak bila kau melangkah berat. Hati menangis teruk. Air mata bercucuran sambil bawa kereta. Biar orang lihat. Sebab minda terlalu kosong. Dah tak mampu berfikir. 

Kecewa. 

Sumpah aku kecewa. Teramat sangat.

Marah bukan pada dia tapi diri sendiri.

Sungguh aku tak kuat. 

Yang aku ada hanya Dia. Yang menjadikan aku kuat seperti aku sekarang. Maha suci Allah, tenangkanlah aku, berikan kesabaran yang tinggi. Aamiin ya rabbal alamin. 

P/s: remuk teruk.