Monday, June 27, 2016

An untold story but end up so soon.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t. :)

“I am resigning soon”
I almost faint. I’m blank. I really don’t have any idea on what to do.

It has been 8 years since I was involved in so-called love relationship.
And it come to this point where I fell in love with this guy. The one I knew my mum wouldn’t agree. An interracial issues – religion, cultures. etc.

I was hopeless, knowing my mum wouldn’t agree. But my siblings (the girls), my support system, they knew about him. I can’t stop talking about him to them. I never once spoke about him to mum, but she knew he’s ‘trying’ me. She’s disagree all the way, before we had anything! And so, my siblings speak up, on behalf on me. Couldn’t thanked them enough for this.

24th January 2016.
I remember clearly that day…I went to my first half marathon. Accompanied by him. Which supposed to be attended by my other colleague (he couldn’t make it, so he sell the bib and running shirt to him). I was later posted a photo of me and him on my Facebook. Of course mum saw it! Since it was my first HM, I was so tired and went to sleep once I reached home. Later that when I woke up. There’s few whatsapp voice messages. Mum and dad seems agreed. A yes with conditions:-

1)     Let him to get to know Islam because of Islam itself and not because of me.
2)     Solat Istikharah – both mum and I.
3)     He will need to stay at my place when we’re married. Later.

Feels like everything went so smooth after that, the feelings I have never had to him, suddenly came. A blessing from parents – that’s what I need the most.
Honestly, I don’t know how I suddenly fancy him, wanting him, needing him – I fell finally to his personality. He’s the perfect man to fill up the emptiness, I hope!
Never once I feel so comfortable to call a man with ‘sayang’ verbally. But to him things are so easy. It’s more to “what’s not to love about him?”.

This guy.
A gentlemen who’s bravely touch my heart though I’ve tried to friendzoned him many times. Pushed him away thousand times. He insisted, never give up. I saw the sincerity in his eyes. So pure.
I am afraid, totally afraid to start again. The fear of losing. The fear of being left. And too many things to be listed. But he, convince me to not. Though we had so many arguments – that what makes us stronger. We handled it, fixed it to be better. And how not to love him?

So, what does P..D..R..M.. has to do with our so called ‘love’?
Mum doesn’t allow it seems. Giving him no option but a word of two: police or me?
But I knew, he would have chose police as it’s his dad’s hope and his ambition…

And today…it’s official. He’s signed off the offer letter. 
Met him yesterday before he left to his hometown to sign the offer letter.
We both burst in tears, I never saw him so low like yesterday. 
He doesn't care anymore but to drown in his own tears.
How do you feel like to see someone you love cry because of you...? 
It hurts, really hurts.
By accepting it, literally, he’s rejecting me.
A bitter pill to swallow…

I’ve almost lost my sanity. But it’s the fact I must face.
Another unlucky love story I’ve owned. Better luck next time?
A great one year of bitter-sweet love story. (We don't have any official date either, it's just happen!)
I couldn’t thanked him enough for showering me with so much love and care.
I’m gonna miss you sayang. I will really, really do.
Am back to my previous track and life.
Building up the strength, standing up alone, walking solo and to believe in love again?

Ya Allah, ya Tuhanku.
Andai ini adalah jawapan bagi setiap doa dan istikharahku,
Engkau berikanlah aku kekuatan dan kesabaran untuk beriman dengan Qada’ dan Qadar-Mu.
Tunjukkanlah aku jalan yang Engkau telah tetapkan pada aku. Dan redhakanlah hati aku untuk setiap yang Engkau beri.
Sesungguhnya Engkaulah yang Maha Mengetahui.
Dan Engkau jugalah yang Maha Mengasihani.

P/s: Have faith.

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