Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Stronger, I hope.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t. :)

A year of roller-coaster has passed, successfully(?). :)

Alhamdulillah, the ending I was hoping all these while happened anyway.
The biggest fear, the toughest decision.
Who knew the ending made me smile all over.
Until that point of time, people misunderstood my facebook status, thought it was something beautiful that happened, but not.

It was actually a heartbroken phase I should face. Almost a month since it happened now.
I am still learning on how to overcome this.
Being so emotional all over. Sometimes I feel better, but most of the time I fell onto the ground, helplessly.

We're just into each other, lesser than a year. But I felt like having him for years. So hard to let him go. Difficult to move on. I don't know what makes me so. Am overly-attached to him. It's really hard to explain. But, the love I have for him is just somewhat beyond I ever thought I would.

And so this year, will be tougher one for me.
Will start a new life, new hope, new life's objective.
This kind of thing is not my priority anymore. It's at the bottom of my bucket list - to get married.
To be in a relationship for now seems impossible.
If only people knew how long will it takes for me to get over everything.
People might think that am stupid. For not moving on.
But frankly, how can you love someone when your heart is still loving someone else so dearly.
No, not so soon.
Never too soon.
I just need space!

Soon enough, I will need to let him go. Lesser than 4 months to be frank.
Anything I could do to avoid him.
No communication, no nothing. I just hope am strong enough to fight with myself for not even saying 'hi' to him. A lot to do. More damage will be done to myself.
I wish I don't have to do all that.
But I know, that's the only way, the only sacrifice I could do for him.
His happiness is his dad, and my happiness (after my family) is him.
Love is not necessarily to be together.
If this the only way I could do for him to get his happiness, then I will.

He might hardly forgets me, but I know how to makes him to hate me for the rest of his life.
I am truly sorrysayang.

I wish he could forget me one day,
And please do know what I am doing and might do later is nothing else but the proof of my love to him.
I just need more strength to make it happen real soon.
Hopefully this is the best to end everything.

p/s: the world is against us.

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