Sunday, November 12, 2017
Aku betul-betul penat.
Dengan perasaan, dengan hati yang masih tak pernah lupa, dengan emosi yang berubah hampir setiap masa.
Bukan yang aku jatuh hati dulu.
Lain benar dia. Jauh dari apa yang buatkan aku tetap masih cinta sampai sekarang.
Apa masih punya pandangan yang sama? Atau nafsu semata? Atau hanya kasihan? Dan pasti, tiada cinta lagi.
Jika betul dia masih perlukan, dia pasti akan kembali.
Jika betul dia masih punya rasa, dia tak akan betah buat aku begini.
Tapi aku siapa?
Aku siapa pada dia?
Untuk dapat segala usaha itu dari dia?
Kata orang, selagi aku menggenggam, selagi itu sakitnya aku rasa.
Maka, perlu aku lepas dia sesungguhnya.
Apa aku punya daya itu?
Sungguh aku tak pasti.
Kerana hati terlalu rapuh. Terlalu sakit.
Air matalah yang jadi peneman kerana itu sahaja yang mampu aku buat bila aku bersendirian.
Selebihnya? Orang tak akan pernah tahu segala usaha yang aku cuba buat.
Sekarang ini, masa ini, sepatutnya sudah lama aku lepas.
Tapi sampai bila?
Saturday, May 13, 2017
I was wrong....
We mutually have the same feelings but that's not only it. A lot of things we need to consider and we don't have the guts to hurt others just because the love we have for each other. Love is about sacrifices and readiness to face everything together. I guess we just lack of that - the crucial part in a relationship.
Sunday, March 26, 2017
Dalam titik noktah.
Yang ku perlu cuma kekuatan.
Untuk sebuah permulaan.
Andai aku tak mampu.
Hiduplah aku di dalam bayangan.
Entah sampai bila.
Aku pun tak tahu.
Jika aku mampu tunggu selama hampir satu dekad.
Mungkin kekuatan yang sama aku akan dapat untuk menangkis segala.
Tak mudah untuk mencinta.
Lebih senang untuk terluka.
Biar aku rawat luka yang semakin dalam saban waktu.
Tak kira lama mana, pastinya tertutup sudah rasa.
Lama sudah mati. Hati.
Biar aku pergi. Lagi.
Tidak aku kisah apa lagi
Janji aku tahu.
Apa erti semua ini.
Saturday, February 11, 2017
Assalamualaikum w.b.t. :)
I was having a really unstable emotions these days. Blaming PMS for sure and yes, the other side of me whom refused to move on. Had a war with myself. Crying. Repeating the same old story. I was lost in the battle with myself.
I could not breathe.
I could not move.
The pain is real.
I am suffocating.
If only they knew.
Will be starting my new phase of life real soon.
Priority had changed.
I hope I could forget.
I hope I could move on.
No more tears I hope.
Stronger, I hope.
Too many hopes.
But I am not really sure if I can cope.
Never stop praying.
Never stop to look on the brighter side.
Though it's too bitter to swallow.
I hope I have given my best.
I hope I am not a 'chicken' who's given up too early.
I hope I am satisfied enough with what I have fought.
Some things we better let alone.
But why I could not move even a bit.
What am I still waiting at?
Does it worth?
P/s: suatu pernah.
Wednesday, January 18, 2017
A year of roller-coaster has passed, successfully(?). :)
Alhamdulillah, the ending I was hoping all these while happened anyway.
The biggest fear, the toughest decision.
Who knew the ending made me smile all over.
Until that point of time, people misunderstood my facebook status, thought it was something beautiful that happened, but not.
It was actually a heartbroken phase I should face. Almost a month since it happened now.
I am still learning on how to overcome this.
Being so emotional all over. Sometimes I feel better, but most of the time I fell onto the ground, helplessly.
We're just into each other, lesser than a year. But I felt like having him for years. So hard to let him go. Difficult to move on. I don't know what makes me so. Am overly-attached to him. It's really hard to explain. But, the love I have for him is just somewhat beyond I ever thought I would.
And so this year, will be tougher one for me.
Will start a new life, new hope, new life's objective.
This kind of thing is not my priority anymore. It's at the bottom of my bucket list - to get married.
To be in a relationship for now seems impossible.
If only people knew how long will it takes for me to get over everything.
People might think that am stupid. For not moving on.
But frankly, how can you love someone when your heart is still loving someone else so dearly.
No, not so soon.
Never too soon.
I just need space!
Soon enough, I will need to let him go. Lesser than 4 months to be frank.
Anything I could do to avoid him.
No communication, no nothing. I just hope am strong enough to fight with myself for not even saying 'hi' to him. A lot to do. More damage will be done to myself.
I wish I don't have to do all that.
But I know, that's the only way, the only sacrifice I could do for him.
His happiness is his dad, and my happiness (after my family) is him.
Love is not necessarily to be together.
If this the only way I could do for him to get his happiness, then I will.
He might hardly forgets me, but I know how to makes him to hate me for the rest of his life.
I am truly sorry, sayang.
I wish he could forget me one day,
And please do know what I am doing and might do later is nothing else but the proof of my love to him.
I just need more strength to make it happen real soon.
Hopefully this is the best to end everything.
p/s: the world is against us.
Sunday, November 20, 2016
Terkadang hati ini paling remuk dihenyak teruk.
Kerana tak siapa bisa fahami akan rapuhnya ia.
Terkadang hati ini paling teguh pasrahnya realiti.
Kerana tak siapa bisa rungkai apa yang tegakkan dia.
Terkadang hati ini paling sunyi disapa angin.
Kerana tak siapa bisa lagukan melodinya.
Hilang aku, hilang arah.
Sunyinya aku semakin parah.
Mencari erti segala rahsia.
Yang kekal pendam.